Nearly every experience of love that’s entered my life has been complicated. Between relationships, the ever-changing feelings I had towards myself, and the stories I’d picked up about what love was supposed to look like, it was always a battle. I never knew the feeling of love existed without conflict. It was ingrained in me to believe to feel something good I had to struggle, and struggle I did, for most of my adult life – up until this point.

Besides ranting about how I’ve come to love myself (which I believe I’ve already mentioned in previous posts), and without completely jinxing this new, wildly successful relationship, I want to dig a little deeper and talk about conditioning. Experiences that may not have done you such a favour in the long run, and why it’s so integral for you to confront them.

It’s safe to say what we went through as children determines what we feel we deserve in this life. We are a reflection of our experiences, common knowledge. What about the fact that we are in control of our reality, the way we perceive both the present and the past, and that we’re able to alter our designed path at any given moment?

I for a very long time felt unworthy of love because I believed it had to be earned. I had convinced myself that struggle was a necessary part of connection. Somewhere along the way, I came to associate conflict with passion. Without yelling and screaming, acts of betrayal and heartache, there must not be passion, right? WRONG. To this day, although I can plainly see how toxic it is, I find myself stirring things up to satisfy that deeply rooted belief system. ‘Love= hard, Happiness= boring’. It felt as though if my partner or I didn’t undergo a lot of upset, we weren’t invested deeply enough in the relationship.

I did not feel deserving of ‘easy’ love, nor did I see it as anything that interested me. For an extremely long time I’ve related anything steady and unchanging to bad. Here’s the thing, simple, uncomplicated – it doesn’t have to mean BORING. When the circumstances are right, it’s anything but. That’s what big girl love should look like. I care about myself – so I expect you to care about me in the same respect. I’ve been hurt, and now I know better than to put up with certain actions. I want to grow, not to shrink.

It’s important to value your worth first and foremost. Own the fact that you ARE deserving. Second, recognize unhealthy patterns. Who you were and what you accepted as ‘normal’ does not have to dictate your future or negatively define your past. I can see, now that I’m willing to, just how important I can be to another person. I can see that I have sincere value, and that my time doesn’t have to be wasted on those who take advantage of it. Some people just need to be loved from afar, and that’s not in anyway selfish. This is YOUR life, many will enter and exit it, but the only person you can’t get rid of is the same person that’s by your side to the end – yourself.

Make sure you are well taken care of.