Something I don’t think we talk about enough- definitely out of a reasonable amount of fear and anxiety. But here I go, you still have time to close the tab….

What happens if after all this time… we never find… ‘The One’? 

KNOCK ON WOOD KNOCK ON WOOD KNOCK ON WOOD. Weep your way through a greasy burger and sit with me for a second. I’m serious, can we be content with a lifetime of ‘meh’ in the romance department? Can we find happiness aside from that everlasting love we all fantasize about, and if so, what does it look like?

You may think I’m a little young to already be questioning whether my soulmate actually exists, or whether I even believe in the whole soulmate theory at all. Fact is, I’ve finally reached that cringe-worthy age where the majority of peers from my hometown are getting engaged and having babies. After a couple of years of this it really has you questioning where the fuck your ‘Mr. Right’ is, and why even your ‘Mr. Right Nows’ have not been very satisfying.

I know for a fact, being so itchy-footed and moving from place to place so often, is largely responsible for my being single. It’s not something I’m remotely heartbroken about because I needed those years to become the woman I am now. I have, however, always imagined I’d eventually stumble across someone while abroad. The fact that I’m nearing my 26th birthday and no one has even so much as resembled a life partner has started to worry me, I also feel a certain amount of guilt over it.

Here’s the thing, love can’t form from pressure. Whether I’m consciously admitting it or it remains in my subconscious, all this time I’ve travelled with expectation. I have expected to meet this perfect guy. Every person I have the shortest fling with I immediately put through a sort of a ‘is this it?’ test. That might make me sound a bit psychotic, but I know I’m not the only one guilty of doing it. We all want to find love, however, that kind of pressure is going to skew the version of the person you’re meeting without you even realizing it. It also has this not so pleasant effect on you, who you are and how you act/react when things don’t go as envisioned. Expectation is the root of all evil. Rather than giving things an opportunity to exist as they are, we morph that person into what we want them to be, and from that nothing can continue honestly.

Something I think we need to discuss is our own worst nightmare, and I only say this so instead of living with expectation we can live peacefully. Ever go way out of your way to plan a party only to realize the best ones happen purely out of the blue? This needs to become your mentality in love. We, or at least I, need to chill with the fact that I may never settle down, and despite how society has made me feel about it, that is one hundred percent okay. I accept the person I’m spending time with for who they are and for whatever period of time they exist in my life, regardless of the longevity or intensity, if nothing else it has the ability to help me grow.

Imagine a future where you only answer to you, you’re free to do everything as you please. Maybe rather than have children, you study, you travel, you throw yourself into a career that you’re head-over-heels about. Think of the type of growth that’s possible if we devote our whole lives to our own wellbeing? Everything starts to look much more unique doesn’t it? We aren’t all buying the same car, moving into cookie cuter homes, working 9-5 jobs and giving half of our energy to our partner. Instead, we’re living for ourselves. It’s an idea I still haven’t been able to wrap my mind around entirely because I believe it sincerely changes where I see myself in the future, but it’s something I’m becoming more open to. Being 40 and single doesn’t mean spinster anymore, it could mean really fucking cool.

This is not me saying I’ve given up on love, not in the slightest. It’s me opening myself up to the idea that true love can exist in different forms. It can be the creation of a family, the romance between soulmates, or the very real and honest one you have with yourself. Ideally, we’d all get to experience each one of these in a lifetime, but that’s not always the case and we need to be all right with it. We need to be happy on our own over extended periods of time, maybe forever. To find a way to take the lonely out of alone. To have the ability say to yourself, “In this lifetime, I am enough for me” and to actually believe it.